Four pints, two gays and a celebrity

An interesting experience in the Waggon & Horses with Goaty Steve on Friday evening. We both were accused of being gay, and Neve Campbell stepped on my foot. Ok, it wasn't the Neve Campbell. This one was younger and, if it is possible, more attractive. And let's face it, the only way I was going to get any attention from her was to have a stiletto pushed into my toe. Which some would pay good money to have happen.

We also encountered the town drunk.

"Are you two gay?"

I don't know what why he thought this. Obviously, I immediately accused Goaty of being the reason for his enquiry. Who denied all responsibility, of course.

"I shaw thish guy doing this..." followed by much waving of arms before I finally twigged the drunk had been watching someone mime "gay".

"Show, 'ow would you, er..."

"Mime?"

"Yesh, thash it, mime gay?"

A blank look from Goaty Steve.

"Er, John Inman?" I hazarded.

Another change of tack. "I'm alwaysh gettin' the sh*t kicked out of me."

"Why does that not surprise me?" mumbled Goaty Steve.